My Name Is Not Hermione
by QueenliestDeadThatEverDied
Summary: Hermione is put on a pedestal one too many times and subconsciously decides that it is time for a change. She aquires an alternate personality who goes by Kyle von Stefan and is the opposite of Hermione in every possible way.
1. I'm Kyle & I'm an Alternate Personality

Summery: Hermione is put on a pedestal one too many times and subconsciously decides that it is time for a change. She wakes up a few days later with an alternate personality who goes by Kyle and is the opposite of Hermione in every way.

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or anything affiliated with the series. The idea for Hermione's Multiple Personality Disorder came from the show United States of Tara, which I also don't own. This story was inspired by the song She's a Rebel by Green Day.

"She's a rebel  
She's a saint  
She's salt of the earth  
And she's dangerous.  
She's a rebel  
Vigilante  
Missing link on the brink  
Of destruction."

~ Green Day

"Son of a bitch!"

Lavender Brown hurled her Transfiguration book across the dorm that she shared with her best friend, Parvati Patil, and the ever bookish, frizzy-haired Head Girl, Hermione Granger.

"What's the problem now, Lav?" Hermione asked, looking up from _Dazzling Spells for Advanced Witches and Wizards_ only for a moment and then settling back against her pillow.

"I cocked up another fucking spell!" she hissed viciously as she whipped out her wand to summon the book back to her perch on the headboard of her bed. "Will you show it to me again, Mymy? Yours are always perfect."

"Yeah, sure," Hermione mumbled as she placed her bookmark gingerly into the crease of the book. She withdrew her wand from her bedside table drawer and tapped the book that Lavender was attempting to convert into a thermometer three times.

"Postulo Estus," she said, clearly and correctly.

"Shit, Hermione, you are so goddamned perfect," Lavender said with a little more malice than gratitude.

Hermione rolled her eyes, not at her roommate's lack of retention, but at the fact that she was once again referred to as "perfect".

"I'm not fucking perfect!" she shouted so abruptly that it caused Lavender to teeter off of her backboard and into her unmade bed. Raising her wand to point it at Lavender's neck she hissed again, "I'm _not_ fucking _perfect_!"

"He...Hermione, please put your wand down." Lavender cowered, staring at the tip of her friend's wand in terror.

"Who the fuck are you?" Hermione asked suddenly, allowing her arm to drop to her hip.

"Wha…what?" Lavender asked, still shocked that her bookish roommate would threaten her so viciously. "Hermione, it's me, Lavender. We've been roommates for six years."

"I don't know what the hell you're going on about, but would you stop calling me that ghastly name? Hermione's gone, off to study in the recesses of my mind I expect. I'm Kyle von Stefan, and if you ever call me that hideous name again I'll break every tooth in that pretty little head of yours, understand?"

Lavender nodded nervously.

Kyle clicked her tongue as she turned on her heel and headed for the bathroom. She laughed when she saw her reflection. She wasn't wearing a trace of makeup, her hair looked as if she had just stuck a fork into an electrical socket, and her clothes were all at least two sizes too big, but that could be fixed easily and then any hint that Hermione had ever existed would be gone.

With a flick of her wand Kyle had replaced the rugged no-mans-land that had previously occupied her head with smooth hair which she tossed up in a loose bun in a matter of seconds. Next she reached into Lavender's makeup bag that was sitting on the counter and applied liberal amounts of inky black eyeliner and mascara.

Stepping back to admire her handiwork, Kyle grinned devilishly. The face that once belonged to Hermione had never looked better.

"Reducto," she muttered, touching the hem of her skirt lightly. She watched her hemline rise up her leg until it rested scandalously high, three-quarters of the way up her thigh. She repeated the process with her shirt, fitting it snuggly to her lithe torso.

Lavender gasped when Kyle emerged from the lavatory, a new person.

"I'll take that as a compliment," Kyle smirked in a very Slytherin sort of way. "By the way, Lav, I've decided that I can't stand your name either. I like Azrael better; play around with it." With that she snatched a pair of Parvati's Doc Martins, slipped them on, and left.

**A/N**: _I hope you're enjoying this so far. Feel free to review if you have a request for something crazy that you like to see Kyle do. _


	2. Hello Gorgeous! Check Me Out!

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or anything affiliated with the series. The idea for Hermione's Multiple Personality Disorder came from the show United States of Tara, which I also don't own. This story was inspired by the song She's a Rebel by Green Day.

Kyle was met with a sea of staring eyes as she entered to common room. Many of the first and second years overlooked her completely, but every post-pubescent boy in the room had their eyes glued to the new and improved Head Girl. Harry Potter finally broke the silence.

"Mione, is that you?" he asked, genuinely unsure if the stunning girl before him was his bookworm best friend.

"Not anymore," Kyle said in a sing-song tone of voice as she resumed her exit. Harry followed her, confused to no end by her bizarre response.

"Hermione, are you okay?" he asked when he caught up with her half way down the corridor.

Kyle whipped around and pinned him forcefully against the wall. "Do not call me that. I'm not that boring little snot Granger; I'm Kyle von Stefan and I've never been better."

"Okay……" Harry said, not understanding in the slightest. "So…_Kyle_, what's with the new look? Not that I'm complaining, mind you," he grinned as he peered down into his friend's ample cleavage, but then flinched when she moved, half expecting to be punched in the stomach or groin area. Instead Kyle smiled back.

"You wanna see more, gorgeous?" she asked as she unbuttoned her third button.

Harry backed away, suddenly nervous about where his flirty banter was taking him.

"Uh, Herm….I mean Kyle, I can't do this. Not with you." With that he turned and walked quickly back toward the common room.

"Wait….you!"

Harry froze. 'Did Hermione really just forget my name?' Kyle ran toward him wearing a pissed off look that rivaled his own.

"What the fuck is the matter with you?" Kyle shouted at Harry. "A perfectly willing girl offers to show you her tits and you just run off? Am I not good enough for you? Is that it?" her voice grew louder and louder as she went on. "Or is it that my tits aren't good enough for you? Well, what've you got to say?"

"What's my name?" Harry whispered, barely loud enough for Kyle to hear it.

"What?" Kyle asked, confused by the strange turn in conversation.

"I asked you what my name is. You don't remember, do you Mione?"

"Don't call me that," she muttered.

"Do you?!" Harry yelled.

"No," Kyle said flatly. "No, I don't fucking know."

Harry turned sadly.

Grabbing his arm, Kyle murmured, "She was special to you, wasn't she? Granger, I mean."

"Yeah, she was my best friend. Why are you here?"

"What's you're name?"

"It's Harry, now why are you here?"

"Because she couldn't handle it. The stress of perfection would have driven her mad, so I get to have fun while I have a body of my own." She began her trek down the hall once again.

"Kyle…" Harry called out after her, "don't hurt her."

Kyle smiled at Harry and turned the corner.

As she descended the Grand Staircase she receives appreciative looks from many of the boys. In return they received a mischievous grin from Kyle and angry slaps from their girlfriends. One boy, however, legitimately caught Kyle's eye. He was a tall boy with piercing grey eyes and platinum blond hair. He stared at Kyle as she walked toward him, almost being drawn to him like the pull of a magnet.

"Well, well, well, what do we have here?" Draco Malfoy smirked as Kyle walked toward him like a moth to a flame. "My favorite little Mudblood is all alone without her posse. What ever should I make of that?"

"I take it you knew her too," Kyle said, disappointed that she didn't get to make the first impression on the libertine demon that was standing in front of her.

"I don't quite understand you, Little Princess," Draco said condescendingly.

"What I mean, Skipper, is that you knew Granger. I, however, am not her. I am Kyle von Stefan, and I think that you want me."

Malfoy was stunned. Granger had never had the audacity to clash with him in any way, let alone in public.

"You…you really aren't her, are you?" Draco stuttered.

"Nope," she responded. "So was I right?"

**A/N**:_ Same note as before: I hope you're enjoying this so far. Feel free to review if you have a request for something crazy that you like to see Kyle do. _


	3. Hate To See Ya Go Love To Watch Ya Leave

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or anything affiliated with the series. The idea for Hermione's Multiple Personality Disorder came from the show United States of Tara, which I also don't own. This story was inspired by the song She's a Rebel by Green Day.

"Hey!" Kyle shouted as Draco grabbed her hand and began to run. "I asked you a fucking question!"

"Yeah, I know," he stated. He pulled her up a flight of stairs, around the corner, through three paintings, up another flight of stairs, and down to the end of the hall.

"Von Stefan….that's what you said your name is, right?"

"Yeah, that's it."

"Von Stefan, do you really want to get in with me? Because once you know me you have a damn good chance of finding out that you don't like who you see."

He looked down at his feet, not wanting to see her reaction. Draco had never felt nobler in his entire life than he did when he told the best looking girl that'd ever liked him to watch her step.

Much to his surprise, instead of fleeing footsteps he heard uncontrolled laughter. His head snapped up to look Kyle in the eye. Hers were watering from the laughter.

"I'm sure you're a right bastard, but right now I don't really give a shit. By the way, we haven't been properly introduced. You know that I'm Kyle Von Stefan, but who, pray tell, are you?" she asked, slowly creeping toward him.

"I'm Draco Malfoy, and I think you want me too." He smirked, as it was his signature pantie-dropping move. Kyle grabbed his hands.

"Why Mister Malfoy, what ever gave you that idea?" she asked, taking his hands and cupping them firmly against her chest.

Draco went into a frenzy of sorts, when he realized that Kyle really wanted him in the same way that he wanted her. He shoved her up against the wall and continued to grope her boobs as she slinked her arms up to his neck and pulled his face down to hers. They kissed frantically, as if this was the last time they would ever see one another. Kyle began to unbutton her shirt when Draco suddenly pulled away.

"What the fuck is wrong now?" Kyle asked exasperatedly.

"I don't know, I just thought that we could, maybe....you know, get to know each other a bit first." He looked down sheepishly. "Nevermind," he said, leaning back down to kiss her again.

Kyle rolled her eyes and shoved him off of her. "You _would_ be a pussy right before things were about to get good, wouldn't you?"

Once again Draco stared down at his feet.

"Fine, we'll _bond_."

Draco looked up with a smile, suprised that she didn't leave right then.

Kyle began walking back down the corridore, Draco staring at her ass as her short skirt swished, occasionally showing more of her than was intended.

"I know I have a fantastic ass, but are you going to get me out of here or not?" she called back to him.

Draco raced down the hall after her like a puppy to its master. "You and your sweet little ass are going to be the death of me," he muttered into her ear as he reached an arm around her shoulders.


	4. Sin On Skin

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or anything affiliated with the series. The idea for Hermione's Multiple Personality Disorder came from the show United States of Tara, which I also don't own. This story was inspired by the song She's a Rebel by Green Day.

**Three Weeks Later…**

"Draco Malfoy, you son of a bitch!" Kyle screamed in pain as a gigantic needle pierced the skin of her lower back. "I cannot believe I let you talk me into this!"

"What the hell do you mean? This was your idea!" Draco hollered back.

She squeezed his hand and dug her finger nails into the back until her knuckles turned white. Draco was in more pain than Kyle by the time the dubious looking muggle removed the needle from her back.

"How do you like it, ma'am?" he asked, handing Kyle a small mirror and leading her to a vanity so that she could see her back, now permanently covered by delicate, crimson angel wings.

"It's perfect, but damn, that fucker hurt."

The man laughed. That was the usual response to his work.

"I still think you should have gotten green," Draco piped in.

"Well we can't always get what we want, now can we Draco?" Kyle asked beguilingly as the tattoo artist carefully bandaged from her shoulder blades to the middle of her torso.

"No, I suppose not."

"Your turn!" Kyle announced as she paid.

"Oh-ho no!" Draco nearly screamed. "You never mentioned me getting one, and I don't believe that was what I agreed to when you insisted on dragging me with you." The tattoo artist excused himself, suggesting that they talk it through.

"Carpe diem! Seize the day!" Kyle shouted abruptly. "If not now, when? Raise your glass high for tomorrow we die! Get a fucking tat!"

Draco couldn't help but laugh at the absurdity of her rephrasing the same few words of encouragement. "No fucking way."

"Damn, I was so hoping you would get my face across your chest," Kyle laughed, snapping her fingers in sarcastic disappointment. Suddenly an ingenious idea popped into her head. "How do you feel about piercings?"

"Now you're talking," Draco said excitedly, having wanted one for some time; "as long as it's not anywhere too…" he glanced down at his pants, "vital."

"Draco, darling, I wouldn't dream of harming such an important part of both of our lives." She grinned up at him and batted her lashes then whispering enticingly into his ear, "but you know what would be really sexy? A nipple ring." With that said, she pushed him back onto the table and straddled his hips. Slowly laying forward, she pressed her boobs, which had grown rapidly in the last few weeks under rather "magical" circumstances, against his taught chest. Draco was already panting by the time their lips finally met. As per usual, Kyle's tongue won the battle for snog-dominance, and when they came up for air Draco only had a few words to say:

"I'll get whatever you want."

"I thought as much."

**A/N**:_ Same note as before: I hope you're enjoying this so far. Feel free to review if you have a request for something crazy that you like to see Kyle do._


	5. I'm Back

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or anything affiliated with the series. The idea for Hermione's Multiple Personality Disorder came from the show United States of Tara, which I also don't own. This story was inspired by the song _She's a Rebel_ by Green Day.

An hour and three Fire Whiskeys later Draco and Kyle could be found canoodling in the Prefect Bathroom.

"Fuck!" Draco shouted as Kyle drug her tongue slowly over his now swollen and pierced nipple.

"I told you it'd be sexy," she whispered, licking and nipping her way up to his face. By this time both of their shirts had been shed, Draco's pants were around his ankles, and Kyle's skirt was no longer covering her naughty bits.

Draco moaned as Kyle ground her hips into his groin.

"I need you," he panted into her ear. Kyle rolled her eyes.

"You don't have to be such a pussy about it then," she said flatly. "If you need me, then take me."

"It's just…." Draco stammered.

"Spit it out!"

"Are you….I mean is she….I mean is your…."

"Are you asking if I'm a virgin?" Kyle finished for him.

Draco nodded.

"What do you think?" she asked, once again grinding against him.

"What I mean is, is Granger, her body?"

Kyle was shocked; she'd never considered that Hermione might be a virgin.

"I don't know. Do you want to find out?"

Draco grinned and slid his hand up her thighs, gripped the sides of her thong, and removed them quickly. He was particularly surprised to see that she had gotten her vagina waxed. She shuddered when he slid his thumb across the smooth, bare skin. Kyle slid off his lap and pulled his boxers down before he could kick off his pants. Draco's throbbing dick stood a proud eight inches in the air. They both gasped as Kyle began to lower herself on to him. Draco thrust up wildly, unable to bear the slow, tantalizing pace that Kyle was moving at. Kyle screeched briefly. Apparently Hermione had been a virgin.

Suddenly, Kyle began to beat her fists against Draco's chest. She shoved him off of her and began to scream.

"WHAT THE FUCK, MALFOY?" she yelled.

"Baby, is there something wrong?" he asked, a little shocked by her mood swing.

"IS THERE SOMETHING WRONG? IS THERE SOMETHING WRONG?!? YOU WERE RAPING ME AND YOU ASK IF THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG?"

"Kyle, baby, calm down," Draco said in a soothing voice, trying to placate his girlfriend.

"WHO THE FUCK IS KYLE?!?"

"Ummm, you are…." Draco and Kyle shared the same baffled expression.

"Malfoy, you've known me for six years. You know my name is Hermione Granger, not Kyle."

**A/N**:_ Same note as before: I hope you're enjoying this so far. Feel free to review if you have a request for something crazy that you like to see Kyle do._


End file.
